Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Forth Bridge Shock Announcement



The Scottish Government have finally admitted that the new Forth Crossing will be delayed by up to six months but only the Scottish Scaremonger is prepared to reveal the real reasons for the delay.

Our research has proven beyond doubt that far from being intended to create a vital link between the deprived communities of Fife and the vibrant cultural and economic heartland of North Britain in the Lothians the Scottish Government is secretly planning to extend the bridge for a further 410 miles and create a direct link between Scotland and France in the event of a Leave vote in the #EUref this month.

In the event of a #Brexit vote on the 23rd June the Scottish Government intend to give the green light to an ambitious plan to circumvent the consequences of a Leave vote and keep Scotland connected directly with the heart of the world's largest trading block.

As a high level motorway with no exits the new extended crossing will enable Scots to drive directly from North Queensferry to Calais for the first time. 

The extended Queensferry Crossing would also be renamed to reflect it's new role but a Scottish Government source denied that the First Minister had suggested Bridgey McBridgeFace as a possibility.

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Pubic Relations Triumph!

Scare Scotland Associates
Public Affairs Consultants
- Case Study - Ruth Davidson Party 

Our new Public affairs and public relations arm "Scare Scotland Associates" has registered it's first big score with a successful strategy which has turned the public perception of the Leader of the one of the country's minor political parties, the Ruth Davidson Party, into page 4 news across a wide range of media outlets.

Our experienced team developed a multi-faceted campaign which created a laser like focus on the key policy elements of the Ruth Davidson Party which were preventing it being taken seriously as an intellectual or political force and removed them from public debate.

Stage One:
Creating a public engagement strategy which was both vibrant and vacuous, colourful yet incoherent was one that our team tackled head on.  We identified that the public saw the current Ruth Davidson Party members as pointless crackpots, weird, dangerous and downright nasty so our decision was to ensure that as few of them as possible were seen or heard. Once we had neutralised the madder elements of the party we moved on to...

Stage Two:
Far more challenging in the modern media environment was taking the only part of the Ruth Davidson Party which was viewed by the public as laughable rather grotesquely vindictive and use that to recalibrate the public perception.  With the help of our well placed media contacts we were able to recast our clients as the stupid party. A series of ridiculous photo-ops was organised and received massive unquestioned exposure across the mainstream print and broadcast media which resulted in...

Stage Three:
By casting the Ruth Davidson Party as a "not-a-government, policy-lite, anti-indyref-till-we-die, we-love-the-colour-orange, David-Cameron?-never-heard-of him", Great-British-Bake-Off" party we were successful in persuading less than a quarter of the voters to support them at the polls. This allowed implementation of...

Stage Five:
Perhaps the most audacious move but possible because of the uncritical support of the nations worst papers the Ruth Davidson Party could claim a "mandate" and make "demands" which even though they would be ridiculed and ignored by the actual winners of the election would give the appearance of political success.

Stage Six:
Our invoice is submitted for payment.

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Scottish Labour Policy Machine

The Scottish Labour Policy Machine

A rare glimpse inside the heart of Scottish Labour's policy department where the daily task of selecting the tax policy of the leader ahead of the 2016 Holyrood election has been modernised with the introduction of the latest technology.


Monday, 29 February 2016

Preparing for the European Referendum

Scaremonger Exclusive!

First pictures of preparations for the forthcoming European referendum.

David Cameron raises the ghost of Project Fear in readiness for "Euro-Ref"
Some Better Together veterans get back together on the canvass trail to demand British independence this time!

No threat to workers rights says Iain Duncan Smith

Jeremy Corbyn is ready to lead campaign

Chancellor Merkel prepares to hold back the tears in the event of Brexit

Sunday, 31 January 2016

Social Network Name Generator

Social Network Name Generator 

New for 2016  

Ideal for calling out separatist agitators online - but without fear of being hunted down by the angry army of "cybernat" hooligans.

Finding the ideal twitter name for your anonymous account can be the first big challenge for any dedicated pro-union scaremonger who wants to take the fight onto the enemy ground - the internet.

The Scaremonger's simple "Twitter Handle Matrix" can solve this most tricky of hurdles in just three easy steps;

  • You select your preferred first name from the list provided
  • Our software will then select a surname from our database
  • You personalise your new "handle" from the option list of dates, titles and suffixes

Among our satisfied customers already hard at work on a social network near you; 

  • CR.Inge1707
  • billy.mophead1672
  • blair.warhero2003
  • billy.broadshoulders30
  • juicy.naranja999999999
  • sally.lickspittle
  • tom.tridentboom1
  • stickwit.sterling
  • granny.frightner
  • brexit.gotcha2017
  • lizzy.catspurr
  • towee.toopoor1
  • runaway.george1302
  • ET.Ure-cereal
  • and many, many more

Join today - and tomorrow you can be making your country proud as you fire volleys of targeted scares and abuse at the torn faced enemies of the union from your keyboard on the front line of the war in cyber-space! 

Saturday, 19 December 2015

The Smoking Gun...

Introducing "Smoking Gun
- a new service from The Scottish Scaremonger. 

There is a constant demand in today's fast moving media for freshly minted negative stories. However "Shock and Awe" press releases and a parade of outraged opposition figures are not enough to guarantee more than a day's coverage for your story from a voracious media. 

With "Smoking Gun" incriminating emails and documents can be created at the push of a button. Your next press release will be be guaranteed wall-to-wall coverage and your negative and bitter hand-wringing will dominate the news agenda. 
"Smoking Gun" offers a number of key benefits including;
  • Instant Access
  • Flexible Content Generation
  • Media Ready Horror Headline
  • Standard Conspiracy Theory Options 
  • Leak Enquiry Stock Responses
You can set up "Smoking Gun" quickly and discretely. Prices are competitive and the resulting up-tick in your successful capture of the news agenda will have you coming back for more!

Special Offer - 2 free exclusive leaked emails if you order before end January 2016!

Sunday, 29 November 2015

Inside the Tent

The Scaremonger Book Club

An Exclusive Launch Event for our first book

"Inside the Tent" by A.N. Chancer

Stories from behind the frontline of politics where shadowy figures are pulling the strings and plotting to tear Scotland out of the Union.

An insiders guide to what goes on in the murky world of Scottish politics where the SNP rule the roost with a rod of iron and dissent is crushed by a faceless army of cybernat enforcers

Blistering  insights from  former key personnel who say they know what they're talking about and have a lot to say anyway to anyone who'll listen and has a newspaper, radio or TV studio

Why it all went wrong even though  everything was right and who's to blame if not the stupid voters and why the SNP are bad and why it's just not fair

What next and a plan to make it all better that involves the SNP just going away and the sooner the better so that things can go back to normal

To register for the launch event and to pre-order a copy of "Inside the Tent" visit the members section of the Scaremonger Book Club website